Exotic Erotic Ball in perspective by our own Sammy the Dwarf!

Perry Mann’s 30th Annual Exotic Erotic Ball Tour
By SAMMY! the DWARF
10.26.09

Experiences are moments of your life that come to you without notice; leaving an impact that produces a foundation and influences your future. Throughout my life it seems I have had a balance of both amazing and terrifying experiences that have lead my life, but it seems the amazing experiences always end up on top.

Super Geek League was recently offered the opportunity to play Perry Mann’s 30th Anniversary of the Exotic Erotic Ball in San Francisco, California. This was an opportunity that no one in his or her right mind could refuse. In addition to attending a completely new audience, Super Geek League would be performing alongside some of the most amazing artists in the world… in front of 5000 people!

We arrived in San Francisco early Friday morning to setup camp at the Courtyard Marriott in San Bruno, California, where unannounced to us, most of the Exotic Erotic Ball performers were staying. After discovering the swimming pool and getting some sleep, one of the lead Super Geek League performers Ben Exworthy aka Barry McCockner invited the band to meet his father who was passing away. Ben Exworthy is a character, a Gemini, and an individual that cannot be described in words. He is a genius and an amazing person that both engages and intrigues you.

We took the BART subway into downtown San Francisco where we stopped at a pub for drinks.
While the band drank, I sat outside smoking and people-watching. Downtown San Francisco reminded me of the yuppy areas of Seattle: No one smoked, everyone wore suits, and no one engaged in a conversation with you. It took a good hour or two before I ever saw someone smoke; muchless a cop – everyone in San Francisco appeared to be AMAZING drivers.

We took the bus over to the Haight district and hiked the 1.5 miles up Buena Vista Park to meet Father Exworthy. The best way to describe Father Exworthy would be to combine Ben’s character with Woodstock during the 1960’s. Father Exworthy’s house was absolutely insane; it was a carnival within itself. Classical music played when you went to the bathroom. There were toys and gimmicks EVERYWHERE. Ben presented his father with pictures of him sitting with his daughter; dressed up as angelic carnies drinking beer and smoking a cigar. The pictures were absolutely priceless. Ben and his father got into the conversation of nature vs nurture and there was no question of the nature; Father Exworthy was definitely Ben’s father.

After we left Father Exworthy’s house, Ben promised me that we would go find the house from the TV show “Full House;” as it was one of my objectives while on tour in San Francisco, and I have been infatuated with Jodie Sweetin since I was a kid. Unfortunately the address I found on the internet was incorrect and after awhile I gave up and we cabbed back to San Bruno.

By the time we got back to San Bruno it was dark and most of us started getting ready for the first night of the Exotic Erotic Ball. The venue was overwhelmingly huge; literally the size of the Tacoma Dome. The Scene at the Cow Palace could be best described as a trade show produced by the scenster magazine the Seattle Sinner combined with the atmosphere of the goth club the Mercury, and the toys of the adult store Babeland. It was a huge fetish ball with the ugliest perverts that had their tits, cocks, and couches hanging out – and more GWC‘s (Girls/Guys with Camera’s – aka Paparazzi) than I have ever seen in my entire life. The whole Wee-Man bullshit that occurs in Seattle on a daily basis was completely dwarfed by the scene at the Exotic Erotic Ball. At one point it got so bad that I was cornered in the bathroom by a GWC and I literally had to punch him in order to get out of the bathroom.

The vendors and people working at the Exotic Erotic Ball were amazingly friendly. There was a particular vendor that I would constantly exchange smiles with every time I rolled around on the scooter. After two days of passing her, I worked up the balls to walk over and introduce myself. The vendor introduced herself as Zarina and represented Joocee Dogs at the Exotic Erotic Ball; ironically enough worked during the day as a fitness instructor! Zarina has turned out to be an amazing person with more than a smile that I have continued keep in touch with every single day since I got back from San Francisco.

The VIP thing played a huge role in how the weekend played out. Vendors were constantly hooking me up. The security was extra nice and knew who I was. When we loaded into the venue the following night, security stopped the entire Super Geek League caravan and after seeing me in the back, they exclaimed: “I know him; they are good.” Similarly, I was the only one that didn’t get patted-down and searched by security prior to entering the venue. The thing about my relationship with security is that whereas I fuck with them more than anyone else in the world, I also highly respect them, communicate with them, and listen to them – which is why I get away with so much shit and have so much pull in the Scene. Similarly, the Daly City police officers at the Exotic Erotic Ball were EXTRA awesome. When I asked them about the Exotic Erotic Ball after-party, they came back to me with the address… THAT is something that you would NEVER see in Seattle; the Seattle Police Department would be the first to shut the after-party down!

On the day of the show, we woke up at 8a for a Super Geek League meeting at 9a SHARP. After the meeting, we started getting ready for sound-check at 1:30p. In preparation for the show, I was to accumulate an entire backpack of toilet-paper that I would fire from the toilet-paper gun during the first song “Epic Tale of Drop D.” Everyone was asked to bring two-roles from their rooms; however as opposed to being dependent on other people, I decided to just steal an entire box of toilet-paper from one of the hotel maid’s carts. During sound-check, I attached a 30’ cable to the toilet-paper gun that stretched throughout the stage partitions’ and fired off a roll to ensure the toilet-paper gun ran smoothly. The stage at the Cow Palace was absolutely HUGE! Even with five band members across, performers were able to freely move around the stage without running into the musicians; a problem that has occurred at EVERY show. During sound-check, I was able to meet several other performers and bands, including members of Impotent Sea Snakes, Missing Persons, and CR Gruve – who were all impressed with our stage performance.

In-between sound-check and the actual performance, I started getting extremely antsy and nervous about the fact we would be performing with the best of the best… in front of 5000 people. After working out on the elliptical trainer the night prior, I got some sleep and started working on the dance that I performed during the 10 minute song “Epic Tale of Drop D.”

An hour and a half later, I woke up, consumed 300mg of caffeine; as to not create any fuckups during my performance, smoked my last bowl of tobacco, and showed up in the lobby on time and prepared. In the drive from San Bruno to San Francisco, the entire band compacted into a Ford Econoline and Excursion. On the way to Cow Palace, our driver became so engaged with the band that he ended up parking and coming in to see our performance.

After going through security, we went straight to the green room; which by itself was the size of the Seattle venue El Corazon. The hospitality from the staff was above and beyond amazing and everything we needed was taken care of. While running throughout the Cow Palace in preparation for the show, the event reporter Kelly, along with Perry Mann – the producer of the Exotic Erotic Ball, caught up with me and interviewed me; blasting my face all over the Cow Palace. While Kelly interviewed me, Perry Mann ran off with my Razor scooter and watching him try to ride it was fucking hilarious. Honestly, I hate interviews due to their incriminating nature. However, this interview went really smoothly and right after the interview was finished, it was time to go onstage.

Previously I had conceptualized doing the entire Super Geek League performance naked. However, I voted against it after seeing the number of perverts with their tits, cocks, and couches hanging out the previous night – on top of the fact I would disrupt the synchronicity of the Super Geek League performance in front of 5000 people. Sometimes I have to realize that just because I can do something, doesn’t mean I should, but just because I can’t do something, doesn’t mean I won’t.

Super Geek League’s performance at Perry Mann’s 30th Exotic Erotic Ball was absolutely amazing. The dancing during “Epic Tale of Drop D” was flawless and the expenditure of the toilet-paper directly coincided with the conclusion of the 10 minute song. While I handed out lollipops, all of the confetti was expended during the song “Love Demon,” which the audience responded to beautifully and became strongly engaged with. In the song “Subgenius,” we threw 50 beach balls into the audience. Following the theory “What goes up, must come down,” the beach balls started coming back towards the band and the entire song turned into a huge game of volley ball. Throughout the show, if you weren’t on stage, you were preparing for your next performance; whether it was a costume change, a prop change, or manning the confetti cannon; you were always doing something. In the final song, “What you know about that,” the objective of the performance throughout the song was to crowd-surf the audience. Unfortunately this wasn’t possible with the security barriers in-between the stage and the audience. With the support of the security and the audience, we stood ON the security barriers riling up the crowd; going out into the crowd and dancing. By the end of the song, everyone was on-stage for the epic conclusion of our performance – which amongst the crowd was absolutely priceless.

Immediately after the Super Geek League performance, I attended to my post-performance duties of cleaning, putting things away, and changing out of the leprechaun costume and back into the bow-tie. Whereas I don’t mind being seen as a celebrity, I would rather be seen for my personality as SAMMY! and not have to run away from the cameras or punch people all night. Due to the excessive number of people who either photograph me without permission or simply corner me, I have started thinking about carrying around a water-gun and shooting the GWC/Paparazzo’s cameras. It is seriously not cool to photograph people without consent – no matter who they are. Fortunately, there was this thing called security and along with security came checkpoints that people could not pass without the proper clearance. Consequently, as performers we were granted “All Access” permissions and able to go backstage and give props to all of the performers. And after Coolio’s performance, that is exactly what I did. Upon wishing Coolio props, he hugged me and said “I’ve met you before man.” That along with hearing Coolio perform “Gangsta’s Paradise” was an experience in itself.

After meeting Coolio, I further explored the VIP area and met two friends named Kat and Amanda. The three of us started dancing and ended up dancing until the conclusion of the Exotic Erotic Ball at 2p. I swear to god, dancing with them I worked out muscles that I never knew I had. The only way I could describe dancing with Kat and Amanda would be rock-climbing with your thigh muscles. After the conclusion of the Exotic Erotic Ball, the three of us exchanged information and planned on meeting up later at the after-party. However, on the way back to the hotel, it became very apparent that Super Geek League would not be attending the after-party due to the condition of the performers.

My roommate while on tour with Super Geek League was one of the guitarists, Evad. Previously Evad and I hadn’t had the best of relationships, however, after living together for two days, Evad and I formed a bond. On the way back to the hotel, I asked Evad what his thoughts were on the girls coming over and his face just lit up as he started nodding excessively. I called Kat and Amanda and told them that we would be unable to make the after-party and to come party with Super Geek League back at the hotel.

In the time it took for the girls to come over and cleaning up after the show, Evad and I started talking and he admitted that he had previously been afraid of being my roommate because there was apparently a rumor going around Super Geek League that I was gay. Assumingly this rumor started after the satirical performance of giving a robot a blowjob during the song “Robot Rape.” In a sarcastic tone, I comforted Evad by telling him that I am only gay when I am bored and by the end of the conversation, we were shitting and showering in the same bathroom together. Welcome to the perks of being in a band.

After I got out of the shower, Kat and Amanda called me to tell me they were at the hotel. Evad opened the door for them and we joined the rest of Super Geek League in the swimming pool at 3:30 in the morning. Apparently, we were being so loud that someone pulled the fire-alarm to teach us a lesson (rumor). The problem was only half of us had clothes on.

Kat, Amanda, Evad, and I vacated the hotel due to the HUGE fine associated with staying in a building during a fire-alarm. One of the hotel residents, who I later found out was Adult Film Producer Seymore Butts, stuck his head outside of the window to find out what was going on. I told him that we were staying outside until the fire-alarm was shut-off to prevent being fined. He said that he was up there with his fiancé and for obvious reasons wasn’t leaving the room. By the time the fire-department went through the building, we could see that the rest of Super Geek League had lost their clothes.

We returned to the pool area to collect our belongings and met a dwarf named Zach who performed as Gene Simmons in the band Mini-Kiss. Mini-Kiss was one of the bands I had previously been looking forward to seeing, as one of their guest performers, Mini-Brittney was an acquaintance of mine I had met at the Jameson Bartender’s Ball two years prior. Unfortunately, Mini-Kiss cancelled their performance due to financial issues.

As the fire-alarm continued blaring, Amanda suggested that we all go out and grab food. Evad had been fiending Mexican food the entire tour and being of Mexican heritage, I gave him shit the entire night. Kat, Amanda, Evad, Zach, and I loaded into the car and endlessly searched for a 24 hour Mexican restaurant that turned out to be a block away. The service at the restaurant was horrible, but the food was satisfying. Amanda and I went out for a smoke while everyone finished their food and had a long conversation; forming an ongoing friendship. When we returned to the table, Evad’s arm was around Kat and the two of them started giving Amanda and I shit about what Amanda and I had been doing out there.

For the rest of the night Zach and I doppelganged the rest of the crew and when the girls dropped us off, Zach and I jumped on the windshield of the girls car, completely naked and humping the fuck out of. Evad became so amused with us that he joined us on the windshield. Kat had been squealing about Amanda leaving her in the car with two strangers, and I comforted her by telling her that technically it takes two dwarves to create one stranger and that she only had one dwarf to worry about.

When we checked out in the morning and met in the lobby, Seymore Butts was checking out at the same time and he came over to ask if I was the one who talked to him outside of his window during the fire-alarm. He looked at Dogstarver, one of Super Geek League performers, and asked “Why does he look like the guilty party responsible for pulling the fire-alarm?” Dogstarver said that he had been by the pool the whole time – but to not put it past him. Seymore Butts aka Adam and I struck up a conversation and totally being a fan of his work decided to keep in touch. It was really hard to NOT tell him “I jack-off to your porn all of the time.” Anyone who can defend the right to double-fist a woman to the State of California is ok in my book.

In the morning as Evad and I got ready to leave and depart as roommates. While I was in the shower, I struck up a conversation with him, imitating the leader of Super Geek League, Captain Tomorrow aka Floyd McFeely and conceived the idea of the two of us doppelganging each other; creating a feud during the onstage Super Geek League performance. After all, it was Captain Tomorrow who conceived the idea of shooting me out of cannon.

The drive from San Bruno, California to Seattle, Washington was 13 hours long (without taking breaks). Several members of Super Geek League decided to fly back, while others chose to spend more time in California. All in all, only 10 members of Super Geek League were driving back to Seattle. As opposed to being stuck in the van for in-excess of 13 hours, I was able to catch a ride back with the videographer Phillip. Phillip and I hit it off extremely well and decided to drive back to Seattle in one shot. After two hours, Phillip handed me the wheel and listening to The Pleasure Elite on 300mg of caffeine, we drove straight through California at 80mph stopping only for gas. The hardest part about driving and listening to The Pleasure Elite is when the song “Denialation” comes on; you just want to drive faster. I think it scared Phillip the most when I told him that I originally learned how to drive from playing San Francisco Rush on Nintendo 64. The forest surrounding Mount Shasta totally reminded me of the Redwoods Forest. The turns driving through that forest were so tight and fun to drive through that you were forced to slow down – not only so you didn’t crash, but so you could truly enjoy the experience.

We stopped for gas at the base of Mount Shasta and went to Manfredi’s in Dunsmuir, California. Everyone in Dunsmuir was AMAZINGLY friendly. Phillip and I took turns watching the car as we went to the bathroom. On my way back from the bathroom, two rednecks drove up in a Ford Bronco and as we exchanged greetings their aura felt so welcoming. As Phillip went into the gas-station for rations, this fall down cute girl filling up her tank in front of us had this smile on her face that stretched from ear-to-ear. She introduced herself as Michelle and we struck up a conversation about her being from Dunsmuir, our driving through the forest surrounding Mount Shasta, and then she one-upped me by telling me that she drove through the forest 5mph faster. She told me that she was a performer and started to become interested in Super Geek League. I gave her Super Geek League’s information and looking back I was a fool to not have given her my information. Phillip walked out of Manfredi’s and in response to seeing me hit it off with Michelle had this “Why you little fucker!” expression on his face and I am thinking “Why yes, yes I am.”

The thing about Michelle’s smile is that a woman’s smile is what engages me. There were a few people at the Exotic Erotic Ball with whom I engaged with on that basis alone and similarly they have said they engaged with me for the same reason – specifically because of my radiant smile and the shit-eating-grin I carry around on my face. Whereas I keep in touch with only a few of the people I engaged with at the Exotic Erotic Ball, the fact of the matter is this: If you do not stand-up and take a chance; whether it is engaging the cutest girl or the most famous celebrity in the room, then you have accomplished nothing. If you do take that chance, then you will always have the possibility of making it out on top. I have been called a playboy for taking chances, but the truth of the matter is; I take chances because I will never give up and I am 100% loyal to my friends and significant others: When I believe in someone and/or something, nothing stops me.

Three hours later, after lots of twists and turns, raging roads, and aggressive driving, we came to Winston, Oregon for another fuel stop. Phillip and I had just finished joking that the last thing I need is more character when a sheriff’s deputy’s car pulled up nearly hitting me. I exclaimed to the sheriff’s deputy “Running over a dwarf wouldn’t make a great headline, sir,” and the sheriff’s deputy retorted “Especially in a handicap parking spot.”

For the remainder of the drive back I passed out while Phillip drove. Waking up in Olympia, Washington, Phillip told me how bad the roads had gotten with rain, hail, hydroplaning, and cops. At that point, I started feeling very fortunate that I had passed out and wasn’t driving. By the time we got back to Seattle at 3 o’clock in the morning, the only thing I had the energy to do was shower and pass out.

What I learned from tour is this – and I believe this perspective has been validated by Super Geek League winning BEST INDIE BAND at Perry Mann’s 30th Annual Exotic Erotic Ball:

Throughout our lifetimes, we are presented with different opportunities and it is the opportunities we take advantage of that truly count. The fact I have been able to meet and perform with some of the most amazing people in the world is one of those opportunities. While different people are presented with opportunities, we always work side by side to create a collaborative. In reality, we are little people in a big world striving to find our uniqueness and amplify them in order to make the biggest difference in this world.